Nostalgia Bites

So I talked to Mark for close to two hours tonight...it was so hard...

I broke down and disclosed how much I've been missing him, etc. Ugghhh...I was attempting to be strong and not let him know how much it still hurts in hopes that he wouldn't get his hopes up at all. Because, as much as I still care, I can't go back and we can't date again...ever.

So he told me that every weekend he drives down to Myrtle Beach, SC and stays with this girl for the weekend. Nothing's happened between them, but I didn't really expect that I'd get that jealous...at all. Wow...

We're spending December 21st together...and I'm so afraid of what's going to happen. He's picking me up in the morning and we're driving up to Seattle for good Starbucks (it is Seattle afterall), maybe a beach, walking around downtown looking at the lights, dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory, and talking. I'm not trusting myself not to do something I'll regret. Even if it's just a kiss, it's going to make everything that much harder...I'm trying my best to look forward and not back...but doing anything at all would ruin that. Sigh.

I think it's a bad sign that I'm planning out my outfit...damn-it.


I'm doing all of my research for my PTSD paper and just reading the stats and all the personal accounts makes me so worried for Kory, David, Daniel, Carebear, Poier, and of course, Mark...I don't want to see how they've changed once they're back. It breaks my heart...

K, I'm done with my pity party..perhaps I'll go to bed now. Afterall, tomorrow's a day for paper writing, laundry, relaxation classes, christmas shopping, and potential hot-tubbing. Hooray for tomorrow!