Pesky Potential Pondering

Three points ;)


09/14/08
Journal 3 – Potential

I have to say…the idea of thinking about my potential isn’t a favorite. It makes me squirmy and uncomfortable. What if I can’t be what I think my potential should be? What does that mean? Does it mean I’ve ‘failed’ as a person…that I’m just slacking off and could really reach my ‘true’ potential if I tried?
Getting past the ‘freaking out’ stage of thinking about potential, I calm down enough to really think about what my potential (good hopefully) is for this world. I’d like to hope that it has something to do with directly effecting peoples’ lives for the better. Doesn’t everyone hope for that though? I guess I could get more specific… I hope to be able to look back on my life and check some of these off. I guess you could say that I associate my ‘potential’ with the ability to reach the life goals that I have in place. Here are several:

Have my masters in Occupational Therapy by age 23
Work in the pediatric sector
Skydive
Laugh every single day
Spend at least one hour by myself each day
Let go of some personal demons
Solidify my views on spirituality and religion
Peace Corps
Being able to goofy dance at 90
A family that brings me incredible joy
Be comfortable being me – as quirky and random as I am

I think my highest potential is found in the mindset that I can achieve all these things…
I’m incredibly blessed to have such a large and multi-faceted support system. My parents form the backbone of it – helping me with my school goals. I have my own personal cheerleaders – across the ocean in Iraq right now. As I’m typing this, we’re chatting on instant messenger and he’s telling me not to worry – that I’ll make such a difference in the world. How can I compare to him though? Here he is willing to give his life for his country…by choice. I could never bring myself to do that. Does that mean I have little potential or just that my potential is focused in a different direction? I’m hoping for option two. Friends provide hope and inspiration for me as well.

So, totally changing directions…I can do that since this is my journal…In terms of potential in yoga class, I think I have a longggg way to go. For some odd reason, I can’t bring myself to slow down enough to be ok with just sitting. I want to be doing poses, moving, making the class zoom by. I’m beginning to think that it’s the exact opposite for a very good reason. I need to reach my potential to just be…be still…be silent…be ‘ok’. As it is, I start fidgeting and getting nervous as thoughts start to flood my mind. There’s nowhere to push them to since I’m just sitting. That makes it hard. I don’t know…I just definitely need to work on it. I certainly didn’t expect this to be what I’d get out of yoga class but I’m glad/very annoyed ;) that it is. In the end I’ll just be glad. As for now, the fidgeting is ever so annoying! Hah…oh to be able to slow down so easily. I guess it’s just not the way our society works anymore. It’s a good test for me so thank you.