So I'm really starting to worry about friday and Mark. My feelings haven't been my own lately and I'm finding myself quite a bit jealous of this Sam girl and the fact that her mom is flying Mark out to Pittsburgh to be with Sam for New Years after he leaves Seattle. He told me about how they're going to the "most romantic restaurant in the country and out dancing" that night. Then he asked what I'll be doing...sitting alone in my living room watching the fireworks on TV...it sucks because then he proceeded to make the whole situation hurt even more by reminding me that we were supposed to have been on top of the Space Needle together that night...that at one point we were supposed to get married that night...yeah. It's going to be one hell of a shitty night.
On top of that, I'm starting to not trust myself as much with what's going to happen. There won't be any sex - I'm sticking by that one, but it'll be hard not to do anything when we're out until dawn watching the sunrise...I miss him so much. I'm not sure if I miss him...or if I miss the idea of him...or if I miss the idea of a boyfriend. Regardless, there's been some crying action on both of our ends and it really blows.
Sorry all my posts tend to be rants, but meh...Anyhoo...the end.
I just don't know anymore. I really don't like Sam though - I do know that :D
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Be strong! I remember how often I talked to you when you were still engaged, and you were miserable. He was controlling, and immature, and really, I know you know that he and you are not right for each other. I'm a little hesitant with the idea of you spending such a long amount of time with each other...are you setting yourself up for a lot of hurt or regret? I just worry. I love you to death.
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