The Appropriateness of Rain

So this is me writing about my non-date with Mark. It was good...and hard...and awkward...and so sad all rolled into one. The day definitely started out amazingly awkward - Starbucks with him was a tad on the rough side, but things proceeded to get a little better...perhaps not better, perhaps different.



I'd wanted to not talk about anyone "else" - i.e. Sam. It stayed that way for a while and then as a mixture of me starting to torture myself and him offering the information, her name came up some. I still can't stand the thought of them on New Years Eve and know all too well that that night will be a cry-fest.



We wandered around downtown for awhile with was fun with all the lights and festivities. I've included a couple pictures at the bottom of this.



Finding The Old Spaghetti Factory was murder...Seattle likes to post "no left turn" signs everywhere when there's no logical reason for them. Therefore, we ended up getting turned around a few times since we couldn't turn left for blocks and blocks...legally. We ended up being illegal after a while...thank goodness. Dinner proved to be the first of many breakdowns - this one obviously aggravated by food and such. I got through that though and we made our way back to my house.



Once back at home, I pulled out the ornaments I'd saved for us to put on the tree since he'd commented on the phone while I was decorating the tree that he wished he could be there. I figured that since his tree at home was already decorated, I'd save him a few to put on here. We exchanged presents...that's when the waterworks really began. Apparently my letter was a tad bit on the sad side because he started crying which in turn got me sniffling too and resulted in a big kleenax-needed moment.



We turned on a movie and curled up on the couch. You'll be proud to know that my clothes remained on and we obviously didn't have sex - for which I'm grateful. That doesn't mean that we didn't fool around a little which I actually don't regret and don't think I will so I feel pretty ok with that situation.



He ended up spending the night because it got to be really late and he lives an hour and a half north. Not to mention, we passed a fatality wreck on the way home anddd it was raining. It was strange and sad and good to sleep in the same bed one last time...



Saying goodbye this morning proved to be the worst however and I realized just how much I really do and always will care for him. I think that's ok. I made him pinky promise to come back from Iraq. I really don't know what I'd do if he didn't....therefore, he'd better keep his promise.





So that's the update. It hurt...a lot...but I'm glad that I went through with it and got that form of closure.



Not to mention...



The moon was out...



Which only made it perfect - with everything the moon represents to me.