So here's the dealeo with Brian and why my mind is so topsy turvy at the moment...
A couple weeks ago, some weird myspace stuff happened. Someone made a profile of him...but it wasn't him and this person was claiming to be his fiance...awkward. It was the middle of the night and he woke up a friend to try and figure it out because he had no clue as to what was going on. He showed me his real profile and we became 'friends'. The impostor profile disappeared.
I managed to freak out substantially because, let's be honest, something funky has happened online with my relationship with David (twice), Kory a little bit, and Mark. So I'm slightly paranoid obviously. I kept telling him that I really couldn't take it if he f-ed me over, etc. I wanted to trust him, I did, but was still a little freaked out. The night ended ok though with mutual 'sweet dreams - I'll dream of you'.
The next day he commented on how worked up I'd gotten and how he thought it was cute and sweet that it had concerned me so much - showed how much I care about him, etc.
A couple days later, his 'real' myspace and I are no longer friends - he brings it up (not me) and says it's been hacked into. It's also private at that point.
The weird thing is that it shows when the person last signed on. It seemed kinda coincidental that a couple minutes after he had gotten on AIM, his 'hacked' myspace was logged into.
So I call him (this is last monday 5/26) and say that I know I'm being super paranoid but it's happened to me before - I just don't want to be thrown out, etc. I apologize - he admits that I am being rather paranoid but says that we'll still talk that night - we don't.
On tuesday I leave him a message on his hotel room phone apologizing profusely for even entertaining the thought that he might screw me over. All of the things I was basing that fear on were coincidental at best.
Last thursday (two days later - first communication since mon) he texts me saying that he has to go to Peurto Rico until this tuesday...that he misses me...and that we'd talk on tuesday
On tuesday I send him a text welcoming him back and an IM on wed. saying that I have exciting news to share. I still haven't heard from him.
Kinda icky...but then I have to take everything else into account. He's been working til 3am, sleeping for a couple hours at the job site, and then starting back up.
He hasn't had a girlfriend for a super long time and since he's so busy - may not remember that it's nice to check in with her to ease fears and let her know he's alive, etc.
He's talked about lots of important things in the future - even to the point of saying that he'd totally elope with me if he knew my parents wouldn't kill him.
He's willing to move to Portland with me for my school since "I'm an only child and it's important for me to be close to family and since I've invested so much in this school, its only right" - his words not mine.
He's written me cute little text poems about how he wants to be my penguin and he'll NEVER do anything to mess up the chance we have together.
He kept hounding me to see if I'd talked to my parents about him yet and wanted to know the best way to win their approval.
He went to all the family therapy/support groups when his younger sister had anorexia - he bought her a puppy when she was doing better. (Kinda a no-no from an ED perspective but it's the thought that counts)
He's super cute with his daughter and she means the world to him
He's close with his mom.
He said he's already bought a ring.
He gave me a teddy bear named Griddles because I love pancakes.
I don't really think that this is the guy who could toss me aside, throw me out, etc.
What do you guys think? Do you think I'm just being super paranoid and over-reacting...that he's being a stupid boy and not really cognisant of the fact that it would be nice of him to at least text me - because he's a boy and they're not smart like that - especially when they're ludicrously busy...
Orrrr do you think he really is a scumbag who did a phenomenal job of casting a spell on me and f-ing me over?
Advice is very much appreciated at this point as I'm going mad working myself up over it. I haven't texted/IM/called him so as to give him room. I dealt with a similar situation with Kory when he was in Iraq. He'd read my myspace messages and then not respond and so I'd pester him about if he was mad at me and what I'd done, etc. Finally he said, "Devon, I wasn't mad at you...but you thinking I was and bugging me about it, made me mad at you." I don't want to do that over.
When/how do you think I should contact him? I can't really call him (its a work phone and he'd get charged) so my options are text, voicemail, IM, or email. When should I do it? I sent him an IM on wednesday. Should I take the approach of friendly, missing you gf or the approach of - "what the hell? seriously..." or somewhere in between.
I know, it's all very blown out of proportion - but its me...and it's about guys...so what do you expect?
Doesn't help the situation that Mark's in the wings professing his love for me (when he's on the west coast and it's handy...oh and in two years) and that he knows - and therefore I do too, that we're right for each other.
Can I stick my head in the sand for a while please? It's starting to spin :(
Thanks guys - especially if you made it to the end of this - it was a doozy
A couple weeks ago, some weird myspace stuff happened. Someone made a profile of him...but it wasn't him and this person was claiming to be his fiance...awkward. It was the middle of the night and he woke up a friend to try and figure it out because he had no clue as to what was going on. He showed me his real profile and we became 'friends'. The impostor profile disappeared.
I managed to freak out substantially because, let's be honest, something funky has happened online with my relationship with David (twice), Kory a little bit, and Mark. So I'm slightly paranoid obviously. I kept telling him that I really couldn't take it if he f-ed me over, etc. I wanted to trust him, I did, but was still a little freaked out. The night ended ok though with mutual 'sweet dreams - I'll dream of you'.
The next day he commented on how worked up I'd gotten and how he thought it was cute and sweet that it had concerned me so much - showed how much I care about him, etc.
A couple days later, his 'real' myspace and I are no longer friends - he brings it up (not me) and says it's been hacked into. It's also private at that point.
The weird thing is that it shows when the person last signed on. It seemed kinda coincidental that a couple minutes after he had gotten on AIM, his 'hacked' myspace was logged into.
So I call him (this is last monday 5/26) and say that I know I'm being super paranoid but it's happened to me before - I just don't want to be thrown out, etc. I apologize - he admits that I am being rather paranoid but says that we'll still talk that night - we don't.
On tuesday I leave him a message on his hotel room phone apologizing profusely for even entertaining the thought that he might screw me over. All of the things I was basing that fear on were coincidental at best.
Last thursday (two days later - first communication since mon) he texts me saying that he has to go to Peurto Rico until this tuesday...that he misses me...and that we'd talk on tuesday
On tuesday I send him a text welcoming him back and an IM on wed. saying that I have exciting news to share. I still haven't heard from him.
Kinda icky...but then I have to take everything else into account. He's been working til 3am, sleeping for a couple hours at the job site, and then starting back up.
He hasn't had a girlfriend for a super long time and since he's so busy - may not remember that it's nice to check in with her to ease fears and let her know he's alive, etc.
He's talked about lots of important things in the future - even to the point of saying that he'd totally elope with me if he knew my parents wouldn't kill him.
He's willing to move to Portland with me for my school since "I'm an only child and it's important for me to be close to family and since I've invested so much in this school, its only right" - his words not mine.
He's written me cute little text poems about how he wants to be my penguin and he'll NEVER do anything to mess up the chance we have together.
He kept hounding me to see if I'd talked to my parents about him yet and wanted to know the best way to win their approval.
He went to all the family therapy/support groups when his younger sister had anorexia - he bought her a puppy when she was doing better. (Kinda a no-no from an ED perspective but it's the thought that counts)
He's super cute with his daughter and she means the world to him
He's close with his mom.
He said he's already bought a ring.
He gave me a teddy bear named Griddles because I love pancakes.
I don't really think that this is the guy who could toss me aside, throw me out, etc.
What do you guys think? Do you think I'm just being super paranoid and over-reacting...that he's being a stupid boy and not really cognisant of the fact that it would be nice of him to at least text me - because he's a boy and they're not smart like that - especially when they're ludicrously busy...
Orrrr do you think he really is a scumbag who did a phenomenal job of casting a spell on me and f-ing me over?
Advice is very much appreciated at this point as I'm going mad working myself up over it. I haven't texted/IM/called him so as to give him room. I dealt with a similar situation with Kory when he was in Iraq. He'd read my myspace messages and then not respond and so I'd pester him about if he was mad at me and what I'd done, etc. Finally he said, "Devon, I wasn't mad at you...but you thinking I was and bugging me about it, made me mad at you." I don't want to do that over.
When/how do you think I should contact him? I can't really call him (its a work phone and he'd get charged) so my options are text, voicemail, IM, or email. When should I do it? I sent him an IM on wednesday. Should I take the approach of friendly, missing you gf or the approach of - "what the hell? seriously..." or somewhere in between.
I know, it's all very blown out of proportion - but its me...and it's about guys...so what do you expect?
Doesn't help the situation that Mark's in the wings professing his love for me (when he's on the west coast and it's handy...oh and in two years) and that he knows - and therefore I do too, that we're right for each other.
Can I stick my head in the sand for a while please? It's starting to spin :(
Thanks guys - especially if you made it to the end of this - it was a doozy
Does this look like the type of guy who would screw me over?
3 comments:
Advice from a complete and total stranger: s-l-o-w-d-o-w-n. Reading your post without knowing you or the details of this relationship my gut reaction is back-up and slow down. Something is not right with all the hacking, fake myspace, etc.
Plus...he has a child. Big, giant, enormous responsibility. For that reason alone I'd say back up, be a friend. Things seem complicated enough.
Great relationships usually don't have the drama and complications and question marks. When you find yourself questioning and validating ("been working till 3am") take that as your cue to GIANT step backwards.
Take great care of you.
Hey Dev,
You know I'm your number one fan. I've been with you now for years through the drama drama drama, I know how much Mark et al SUCK, and I don't want you to get hurt again. And, I don't know Brian. And, unfortunately, I'm not a mind reader. BUT I do agree with Kathy that things are...well, fishy. I wish I could tell you that I think everything is going to be perfect and fine, and hey - maybe it is, but since I care about you, I'm telling you to be careful. He owes you an explanation...a call, a text, *something*.
I hope you don't get hurt again, sweetie. You've had your fair share of douche bags to deal with, and I don't want there to be another one...
Love you and thinking of you.
Seriously? He sounds kinda lame. The whole thing sounds very peculiar to me. I think you might be picking men that are unavailable on purpose. Look into that and see if maybe it's true.
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