Marathon

So I just had an hour long conversation with Mark. It was interesting to say the least. I thought I knew why he was calling and yet he was prepared to hang up before addressing the engagement. Weirdddd. I didn't want to have that conversation twice so I brought it up. It phrased lovingly as "I suppose congratulations are in order...would you like a cheese knife or a toaster?"

So then we started really talking. I chided him about the whole christmas thing to which he replied...honestly, I couldn't have done it. I would have told you. I find it fascinating that he was totally cool with stringing me along for that lie too. I told him so. I told him a lot of things tonight. You all would have been unbelievably proud of me. I got a lot off my chest and eventually he apologized.

What I found unbelievable was that he kept making excuses as to why it was ok to come to me when the girl he knocked up lost the baby...and that fyi, he would have married her. Apparently he 'needed' to talk to someone and I was pretty much it. For some 'odd' reason he didn't want to talk to his mother on that one - weird...

In any event, I told him that I've basically forgiven him for everything but that I can never forget what he's done. I told him that I get that his purpose in my life is to help me to learn some hard lessons...but that it's sucked and he's certainly succeeded at the part about hurting me.

He'll always be a person I can turn to if I need to talk - and apparently I will be for him. I warned him however that if he ever dared begin to talk about her I would instantly hang up the phone. I hope I don't have to prove it. I don't want to constantly talk to him. That's not what it's about at all. He apparently wants to keep lines of communication open which I think I'm ok with...on a very civil level. After all, he's still a person I'd call if something happened to someone I care about...he knows me well enough to know how to comfort me...and break me apart but we're past that now, aren't we?

All in all, productive conversation. I might have been a little harsh but I did warn him numerous times that I didn't want to break into all the things I've kept locked away. He asked for it though - literally.

Just wanted you to know that I'm proud of me for finally saying some of the things I've been hiding for so long. It felt liberating.

Love you all and thank you SO incredibly much for your support over the past year and whatever months...honestly. You have no idea....