So here's the dealeo yo -
I'm incredibly paranoid and a perpetual worrier - we already know this. Here's where the bummer part comes in: Ryan. I can't figure out why I'm so paranoid and afraid with him. He's done nothing but what he's said he'd do. Why am I waiting for the bottom to fall out then?
For instance, I haven't seen him since last wednesday due to the fact that he went home to OK for the weekend and I was up in ID. Sunday he called me once he got back and we had a good albeit brief convo. He reiterated that of course he'd be there to help on this friday's Halloween Carnival at work. (I'm uber excited about that fyi). He told me that he was going costume shopping with a friend monday and that he'd call after and we'd play. So yesterday, monday, he called around 6:30 and suggested that he come over and we could take Jaffy to the park. 3 minutes later he called to tell me that the friend had ended up calling finally and that he had to go with her. He apologized for canceling plans. I called him today to see if we were hanging out. Ryan's not the best about having his phone on him so I wasn't too surprised when he didn't answer. I left a voicemail asking him to call me when he was ready to hang out and what he wanted to do. He didn't call back.
It's not a big deal so why am I so worried that there's something wrong? He's given me no signals that I need to be worried... I think it's partly due to the mini-breakup we had a couple weeks ago. I guess I'm afraid he'll change his mind again. I think that fear stems from all the broken promises from Mark... My trust in people, in significant others, is almost non-existent after those experiences. I keep seeking reassurance from others that everything will be ok with Ryan. I keep prepping myself for when he changes his mind. Why am I doing this??? Ugghh. Any ideas loyal readers? Do let me know
On another note...the ED nonsense. I've been dealing with a lot of thoughts lately... I find myself thinking and struggling the more other parts of my life elicit stress. Crazy concept, I know. It's just frustrating to have everything weighing (pun intended) down on me at once. I have all these things I'm supposed to be doing and absolutely no motivation to do them. I'd much rather sleep away my stresses...funny how that doesn't work.
Don't get me wrong - life is great...just a little rough sometimes.
I'd love input on the Ryan situation and how I should approach tomorrow evening if I haven't heard from him. Do I call him after I get off work around 8pm? Do I not call until thursday to remind him of friday? Ideas ideas?! Oh and why do you think I'm having such a hard time trusting a guy who's done nothing to suggest he's not trustworthy?
Thanks all!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I'm the same way. I have trouble trusting people and I get freaked out and anxious easily. First of all, if you aren't careful, the anxiety and paranoia will drive him away. You just have to make up your mind that you are going to trust him and then every time you have a bad thought, try to force it to go away. And don't drive past his place anymore. That's a very bad idea and if he sees you, you will instantly regret it. Don't call him. Just wait for him to call you. Whenever you feel like calling him, call one of your friends instead.
i know it's hard but i think you should give him space. like you said, he's never given you before a reason not to trust him, and so i definitely think he deserves the benefit of the doubt. he did call you to tell you what was going on, with hanging out with someone...and if he holds true to what you've seemed to describe him as, i'm sure you'll hear from him in no time.
i know that you haven't had much of a positive experience with trust and guys - grrr mark - but i don't think it'll help things with ryan if he thinks you're being too possessive or clingy. and i'm not saying you are..not at all...but it's just good to be aware of that because it can be a real turn off. i think you should call him though if you don't hear from him and just be casual about it.
good luck!
Sometimes people who have been through a lot develop a belief that they don't deserve to be happy or to have what they want. I think that's exactly what you're going through with Ryan. You have experienced one Hell of a lot of crap when it comes to men, and it has made you a little bit gun shy. That's natural. If you were mining for diamonds, and every stone you found was nothing but glass, how likely would you be to believe that the rock you just found was a diamond?
Trust yourself, and your instincts. Somewhere deep inside, you know what you deserve. Now you just have to be willing to let yourself have it!
Call me if you need to talk. :)
PS If he's the right one, everything will pan out perfectly. Just be yourself as much as you can, because you are fabulous!
Post a Comment